Initial Stages of Divorce

Anyone getting ready to file a divorce should take care to learn what their options are, what alternatives are available, how to get started, and what to do next.

It is not uncommon for one spouse to be the financial manager during the marriage. If you are not the financial manager in your family, you will need to develop an understanding of your family’s financial picture. The critical issue in all divorce cases is typically the finances. He or she that controls or has access to all the financial information, including taxes, is in control of the case. You are not ready to file until you have all your financial information ready to go.

California Guideline Spousal Support and Child Support Calculator [HTML]
California law requires courts to adhere to statewide uniform guidelines in setting child support orders. The Payment Estimator applies the statewide uniform guideline calculation to the information that you enter into the blank fields.

Important Information About Domestic Violence

Domestic violence, also known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, family violence, and intimate partner violence (IPV), can be broadly defined as a pattern of abusive behaviors by one or both partners in an intimate relationship such as marriage, dating, family, friends, or cohabitation. Domestic violence has many forms including physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation.

According to the Center for Disease Control, domestic violence is a serious, preventable public health problem affecting more than 32 million Americans, or over 10% of the U.S. population.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, call 9-1-1 and get help immediately.

Divorce Tools, Information, and Resources

The information and tools found in this section are paramount to anyone who is going through the divorce process

• Helpful Checklists

Child Visitation, Child Custody, and Child Support

If you have children it is especially important to note all the special issues regarding your children such as specific schedules, copies of IEPs (Individual Educational Plan) for special needs children, doctors information and reports, school calendars for extra-curricular activities, and more. The tools below are designed to assist you with child custody, visitation, and support issues.

Helping Children Through Divorce

Nearly every child whose parents split up experiences fear. Many children worry that their parents will abandon them. After all, if marriages can be dissolved, why not parent-child relationships? Fears like these can lessen a child’s trust in their parents and in human relationships in general, which is why we must take care to put our children’s needs before our own during this difficult time.

There is a lot we can do to help our children survive divorce. One of the single most determining factors as to whether or not a child will successfully survive divorce is how much their parents fight with each other after the breakup. If a parent wants to do one thing that will ensure their kids do well after their divorce, they should stop fighting.

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A Child’s Rights [HTML]
The inalienable rights of children.
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Helping Your Children Through Divorce [HTML]
How to help the kids survive the divorce.
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Tips for Visiting Parents [HTML]
Eight tips for the non-custodial parent during visitations with the kids.
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What Most Mediators and Judges’ Want From Parents
Parents have an obligation to their children to see that any court case affecting the future of their child is brought about in good faith.  This article was adapted from an address given by Judge Frank Sullivan, of the 322nd Family District Court, and expanded by Terrie Frances Frost, MA, MFT
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Children’s Books on Divorce [HTML]
Ron’s recommended reading list for children whose parents are going through a divorce.
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Recommended Reading for Divorcing Parents [HTML]
Ron’s recommended reading list for parents who are going through a divorce.
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Helpful Checklists for Divorcing Parents [HTML]
These checklists are designed to serve as guides during the divorce process.
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The Group List [HTML]
The Los Angeles Outpatient Group Therapy Directory as complied by James De Santis, Ph.D., C.G.P.
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Collaborative Divorce

Quickly gaining momentum as the most popular method of divorce in the United States and Canada, Collaborative Divorce utilizes state-of-the-art technologies, communication skills, and legal strategy to create win-win situations for divorcing couples and their children, for a fraction of the cost of a litigated divorce.

Roadmap of the Collaborative Divorce Process: Two Coach Model [HTML]
This roadmap perfectly lays out the steps for a successful Collaborative Divorce. Written by Mark Bass, Kathryn Lazar, Micki McWade and the Dutchess County Practice Group of the Hudson Valley Collaborative Divorce and Dispute Resolution Association.
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Rigidity/Flexibility Continuum [HTML]
Inquiry allows you to drill deep to determine the interests underneath the fears, concerns, and positions on the surface of the client’s emotions. The skills in moving communication forward involve first establishing rapport. ______________________________________________________________________________________
15 Reasons to Choose Collaborative Law [HTML]
The 15 reasons why you should choose collaboration instead of litigation.
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10 Rights of Couples During Collaborative Divorce [HTML]
The 10 rights you and your spouse have during collaborative divorce that you don’t have when you go to court.
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Core Attitude of the Collaborative Team [HTML]
For a collaborative case to work, all members of the team must be enrolled. This includes the lawyers, the clients, the mental health professionals, and the financial experts. The Core Attitude of the Collaborative Team helps keep everyone enrolled, engaged, and on the same page.
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The Help List [HTML]
Suggestions for successful collaborative negotiation.
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The True Cost of Divorce [HTML]
What is it worth to feel that the decisions involved in ending your marriage were not yours?
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Why Use a Coach? [HTML]
How divorce coaches contribute to the collaborative divorce process.
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Role of the Financial Advisor [HTML]
Financial advisors have been trained in the Collaborative Family Law approach and function as an objective third party consultant to help resolve financial concerns arising from a separation.
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Mediation

Divorce Mediation is an excellent option for couples who wish to divorce peacefully and quickly. Our Los Angeles based trained mediators assist couples in peaceful negotiations. The couple is encouraged to design creative solutions to protect their assets and the future of their families.

Divorce Mediation [HTML] 
Learn about Divorce Mediation, read the FAQs, and learn 10 tips for successful mediation.
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Mediation Ground Rules [HTML]
14 Ground Rules to abide by.
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Setting the Scene for a Successful Mediation [HTML]
Learn about the role of the mediator, the role of the parties, and some important questions to discuss before beginning mediation.

After Divorce:
What Everyone Seems to Forget

When moving into a new home, always check the smoke alarms and fire extinguishers. You just bought a new house, make sure it doesn’t burn down.  This makes good sense.  But after a divorce, it seems most people would rather just be done than take the next step to protect their newly acquired separate property.

No one would embark on a long trip to a new land without making some necessary arrangements. Yet people regularly move into a new life as a single person without the necessary planning to ensure that loved ones and property are protected as they intended, and that their affairs are taken care of if they become incapacitated or die.

Fact: everyone over the age of 18 needs an estate plan. Yet it becomes even more pressing when one is newly divorced.  After a divorce, our Estate Planning attorney will review assets to ensure that title has been updated and is held properly, that account beneficiaries reflect the newly-single person’s wishes, and that children are protected from future step-parents.

I often get sad calls from people who learn their step-parent is getting what was supposed to be their inheritance. Why?  Because mom or dad didn’t plan – they simply put it off for “later.”

If a divorced party should unexpectedly die before creating a new estate plan, the ex-spouse might receive control of assets that had been intended for the children. While the surviving parent might have the children’s best interests at heart, that person’s new spouse may not.  Make certain that the legacy intended for the children does not end up in the pockets of the opposing party and their new love-interest.

The great thing about Estate Planning is, if you’re still fortunate enough to reading about it or thinking about it, it’s not too late to act on it.  Don’t leave your loved ones in the position of having to call my office to ask if we can “fix” things: “Mom died without a will,” or “Dad said, ‘Everything’s taken care of!’ but we can’t find his estate plan.”  Attend to your estate now, and leave your loved ones the best legacy possible. A legacy you plan, not the default that will enrich tax collectors, bill collectors, and will surely divide families as they fight over “What mom would have wanted.”